On seeking god

or maybe god seeking me?

Now looking back at my childhood and going to the church I feel a quiet wistfulness that I hadn’t people that showed me how much richness there is in following God. I didn’t had people that taught me what it means to pray, or that taught me why I should pray, or that didn’t made me go to the church when I didn’t want to (I think this is a big one, I don’t think you should ever force your child to go to the church because that backfires with a kid and instead of drawing the child near to God which is the initial intent of the parents, it does the very opposite). And I don’t blame those people, they just didn’t knew any better. In part because I believe that they never actually realized the depth of Christianity and they never had people like I now have that led me to realize how much richness there is in the bible and in following God. But even if I had people that knew, I’m not sure what’s better, knowing better and not doing anything about it or not knowing. Because calling yourself a Christian comes with a lot of responsibilities, and most Christians totally fail to meet these responsibilities. And I’m not talking about things like praying or going to the church. I don’t think going to the church is the obligation or responsibility of any Christian (although, I do think that you will naturally want to go to the church as a result of following God). You could be the best Christian in the world and don’t even go to the church. What I mean is living in the mirror of Jesus. And the bible itself talks about this, “people are known by their fruits” (their actions, attitudes, how they love, etc) and you can have a pretty looking tree but the fruit is terrible, meaning you can say you’re a follower of Jesus with your words but say the opposite with your actions. People do notice whether your faith is real or simply words and a sunday thing. But the people that I am the most sorry for aren’t the people that don’t know God but the people that pretend to know him. The “Christians” that don’t really believe and don’t live like they believe. Because people that don’t know god have an excuse, the ones that pretend to know him don’t, they have more responsibility than anyone else. They already have a rough idea of who God is and what Christianity is, they already have access to the written word of God so what’s their excuse to not to follow him?

One of the things that I now realize why Catholicism doesn’t resonate with me at all is that the Catholic Church is very good at telling you what to do. Plus, they are not based solely on the bible, they have their own rules that go behind the bible. Nowhere in the bible it says priests can’t marry or have kids, or be women, or they need to go through a seminary degree, or that needs to exist a hierarchy on the way to God (you, priests, cardinals, pope, and so on), etc. And I think this might be a reason why I’m standing in a place where it just feels suspiciously easy that “all” I need to do to be saved is call on the name of Jesus and have the right heart, because I’ve been taught that to some extent I need to “earn” my salvation. I was taught that I needed to do, do, do, do, do and then I’m saved and then I do, do, do to keep my salvation. But no, actually I just need to believe it’s already done, and because I’m saved now I naturally want to do, do, do, do, not because the Catholic church tells me but because it’s a natural consequence of following God (because once you decide to follow God he fills you with the Holy Spirit that guides you). He meets us where we are not only despite we being broken and sinful, but because we are broken and sinful, Jesus came from the broken, the poor, the sick, the hopeless, the ones far away from him.

One of the questions I sometimes ask saved Christians is if they are saved, then they must be eager to die and eager to go to heaven close to God. But as I am reading more and more the bible I am starting to realize that it’s not really about eternity on heaven, it’s about bringing heaven to earth. The idea that what you do matters, that your actions matter, that you’re here for a reason, that who you are and who you choose to be matters, and you’re on this planet to honor the name of God and have a positive sum life. And above all, the idea that you are the one who makes heaven possible on earth, this is your responsibility, you actually play a role here. So every single follower of God is called to make this happen (love your neighbor as yourself, repay evil with good, etc) that’s why you’re a lottery ticket when it comes to the destiny of those around you.

The people living now have more responsibility than those in the past. That is one way I think it explains why there were so many miracles in the past relative to nowadays. Because in the past (especially for people who lived before Jesus) people did not have any book they could read, or they didn’t know how to seek God more effectively. Therefore, God performed miracles so they could know that he existed and was present. But nowadays (and the time after Jesus went down to earth), virtually everyone in the world has heard about Jesus. So we don’t need a miracle to know that God is here, we already have all the tools to truly believe in God, we have the written word of God (bible), churches, etc but we need faith. So I think nowadays we don’t have miracles like in the past, where you would literally see bread multiplied from nothing. Instead, what God might do now is answer a prayer for more bread by having a random guy knocking at your door offering leftovers from their dinner, it’s much tougher to recognize that it actually is God’s work.

I was talking with a pastor the other day and he was telling me that it’s such a gift that I ask so many questions and really try to understand what’s going on. But I am not sure whether this is a gift or a curse. On one hand, I know that if I ever consider myself a Christian I will really be all in and this will be the most important thing in my life. Once I go after this mountain and see the other side I think I’ll find a much deeper faith than the common Christian, as pastor Craig says it “doubt isn’t the enemy of faith, it often is a pathway to a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God”. Someone that asks questions is someone that is seeking God, just like when we want to know a person better we ask questions. I worry that a lot of Christians don’t ask questions and don’t really try to understand more about God and what they “believe” in. And a lot of times when I ask questions to some Christians they just say “that’s not for me to answer”, they let go of the questions. I don’t think there’s any problem with asking questions but I do think there’s a problem of being attached to the answers though, to earthly answers. Because the more questions I ask to people the more I realize that most questions don’t have an answer and the ones (most of them) that do have an answer you’ll find them in the Bible or while praying.

I think, however, the Christians have gotten some things wrong, but there is one central thing that is good about Christianity. That is that their God is a God of love. Not, like the gods in greek mythology, a god of thunder, or power, or the sun, but of love. To serve God is to serve love.